Transcript
[00:00:06.650] - Imogen
Hi everyone, and welcome back to Dear Comms, the coffee break podcast where we tackle your biggest corporate comms challenges. I'm Imogen.
[00:00:14.940] - Amanda
And I'm Amanda. We're here to give you practical, no-nonsense advice so you can focus on the things that will really drive influence, engagement, and impact.
[00:00:24.930] - Imogen
Last episode, we looked at how we can take feedback and make it work for us. This time, we're gonna flip the script a little bit and look at how we, as leaders, can give feedback. For most people, giving feedback is awkward. For others, it's terrifying. And some people, as we know, avoid doing it altogether. However, giving feedback, especially the hard kind, is one of the most powerful leadership tools that we have.
[00:00:52.010] - Amanda
[Speaker:KATIE] I absolutely believe giving tough feedback is probably one of the most uncomfortable parts of being a manager. And it's something that you have to learn and grow into, because it is uncomfortable. You know, you might be addressing performance behavior, or correcting attitude and approach. You know, sometimes it can be delivering disappointing news, like a lack of bonus or a team restructure. Whatever it is, these conversations are important, they all carry weight, and they also carry some loaded emotions with them.
[00:01:30.840] - Imogen
Yeah, and they become all the more difficult when you have to give feedback on someone else's behalf, especially if it feels contradictory, or it isn't behavior you've observed, or it goes against what you believe. You know, that kind of, "You've had a strong year, but no bonus for you." It really puts you in a very difficult position.
[00:01:53.100] - Amanda
Let's be honest, most of us don't like giving negative feedback. It's uncomfortable and it can feel personal. And I think what's behind that is that we're worried about damaging relationships or knocking somebody's confidence.
[00:02:06.990] - Imogen
But avoiding giving feedback is not kinder or nicer, it's just more confusing.
[00:02:12.860] - Amanda
Absolutely.
[00:02:14.460] - Imogen
If you're not being honest and you're not giving constructive feedback, you are denying your team the chance to grow.
[00:02:23.450] - Amanda
Yeah, I think let's delve into it in a little bit more detail.
[00:02:26.900] - Imogen
Firstly, I think it's about your starting mindset. So, we always, always need to approach feedback with good intent. This is not about criticizing, it's about helping. If you want to tell someone something, ask yourself 3 questions: is it true? Is it kind? And is it needed? And if the answer to any of these is no, you need to take some time and consider whether your feedback is going to actually add value. What is the outcome of you giving that feedback? Is it going to make a difference? Is it going to help? Or is it just going to hurt the person that you're talking to?
[00:03:11.760] - Amanda
You know what they say about preparation.
[00:03:14.320] - Imogen
What do they say?
[00:03:16.010] - Amanda
Prevent something, something, something performance. I think preparation means more than knowing what you want to say. Make sure you understand the context, the reason behind the feedback, and have a think about how it might land emotionally. You know, if it's about compensation, be all across the calibration process. If it's performance related, make sure that you've got recent and specific examples ready.
[00:03:47.010] - Imogen
Like any communications you're doing to any audience, you need to anticipate all the questions that they may have. So think, what would I want to know if this was me? So prepare clear and factual responses. Having this amount of preparation shows respect and helps maintain trust.
[00:04:09.400] - Amanda
Also have a think about the environment in which you're delivering that feedback. It should feel safe, it should be private, and a comfortable setting for the conversation, particularly, you know, if you know it's going to be a tough conversation.
[00:04:25.620] - Imogen
Yeah, no feedback on group calls, no 6 PM on Friday meetings, and please, please stop sending emails that say, "We need to talk." because there's nothing worse, and it puts the fear of God into people.
[00:04:39.630] - Amanda
It does, it absolutely does. The other important thing is making sure that you have more than enough time allocated so neither party feels rushed. These conversations matter, and people can tell when you're trying to dodge them or downplay them. So give them plenty of time and space to talk.
[00:05:01.030] - Imogen
Yeah, try and make sure the feedback is done as close to the moment as possible. You know, waiting weeks to give feedback is just not very helpful.
[00:05:09.380] - Amanda
Yeah, don't put it off. The further away from the moment you are, the fuzzier the context might be. You'll forget the detail of conversations, actions, or decisions, and that's just confusing. When it gets confusing, people get defensive.
[00:05:24.290] - Imogen
Yeah, so you can normalize things like post-meeting walk and talks or follow-up calls. Amanda, you and I do it the whole time. After a client call, we'll do a little bit of a debrief and go through what was said, what we did well, what we need to improve on next time. That makes feedback part of work, as opposed to a big drama every time.
[00:05:48.250] - Amanda
Yeah, we both hear things differently. There's often times when there'll be a nuance that one of us picked up on, the other one hasn't.
[00:05:56.770] - Imogen
We need to frame our conversations with empathy. For example, you know, "I appreciate your hard work so far, and I really want to help you succeed. So, I think there are some things that we can work on." Now, that will lower defenses and will signal that this is about you caring as opposed to you criticizing.
[00:06:20.290] - Amanda
Yeah, we talked about vague feedback. Feedback in our previous episode. So, we absolutely need to practice what we preach. You need to be specific, and avoid blanket statements like, "You need to step up," or, "It didn't land well." You've got to focus on observable behaviors and their impact.
[00:06:41.590] - Imogen
It's all about context. It's all about getting them to understand the why. So, instead of saying, 'Your tone felt off in that meeting.' Think about instead using a structure. One that works really well is situation, behavior, impact, question. So your feedback would therefore be, 'In yesterday's team meeting, you cut James off several times, which made it difficult for him to share his update. Can we talk about what's going on there?' This feedback is clear, it's fair, and importantly, it gives the context as to why this is a problem.
[00:07:23.780] - Amanda
Yeah, that's critical. And I think this is particularly relevant when it comes to things like compensation decisions influenced by calibration benchmarks. I talked about that before. Transparency about the process is crucial.
[00:07:41.190] - Imogen
Yeah. When it comes to dreaded bell curves and calibration, which I'm very anti, by the way.
[00:07:48.020] - Amanda
Oh, huge.
[00:07:49.780] - Imogen
It can help if you explain the process and the criteria. I think we make the assumption that everyone understands how bonuses are calculated. So, you might want to say something like, you know, while your performance met expectations, the calibration process compares contributions across the team. And that's how we've determined your salary and bonus.
[00:08:11.530] - Amanda
Yeah, I think what you're doing there is separating the personal performance from the organizational context. You know, it's not going to remove disappointment, but I think it does reduce confusion or mistrust. I would add to that a little and say it's important to signpost a way forward. So what are the areas of growth, and how can the organization support their development? You've got to shift focus to the future because the future is brighter than the disappointment they've just had.
[00:08:45.960] - Imogen
You hope.
[00:08:46.990] - Amanda
You hope.
[00:08:47.970] - Imogen
More generally, you may have heard the term feedback sandwich. I think it's something we got taught when we first became managers. You know, it's praise, criticism, praise. You did really well here, you could improve here, but overall the impact was Brilliant. Don't do it. Don't use it. It's awful. People either ignore the meat of the sandwich, the feedback you want to give, or they think that the bread is fake and fluffy.
[00:09:19.770] - Amanda
I think it was probably a management tool in the '90s, but now everybody's cottoned on. It's so much better just to be clear and kind rather than trying to sugarcoat things. And again, focus on the outcome and the opportunity to improve.
[00:09:34.900] - Imogen
Can we have a conversation one time about the uselessness of bell curves and calibration when it comes to bonuses?
[00:09:41.660] - Amanda
I think it's a whole episode on its own.
[00:09:44.130] - Imogen
It is. Going back to feedback, it's all right to show vulnerability and to show that giving feedback is uncomfortable, and it's a difficult position for you to be in too. You know, this is a tricky conversation, but it's really important. This is going to help you build trust and maybe dispel a little bit of tension.
[00:10:05.230] - Amanda
And if the problem is a recurring one, please, please don't keep hitting them over the head each time it happens. So move the feedback into trends. I've noticed on a few occasions recently where deadlines have been missed. Let's talk about what's going on.
[00:10:22.650] - Imogen
Yeah, it's about shifting the focus back to that big picture, not just one mistake. It's likely, if you do take that broader approach, it's likely to help people feel that they're not being constantly picked on, but actually that you're concerned about their overall performance.
[00:10:39.860] - Amanda
And please do follow up. Don't leave it hanging. Summarize the conversation in writing and check in over the next few weeks. You know, feedback shouldn't be a one-off, it's part of an ongoing dialog. Feedback should never really be a surprise, I don't think.
[00:10:56.870] - Imogen
No, I mean, it could be a simple, "How are you feeling after our conversation?" Or, you know, "Have you tried what we discussed?" And if someone is making progress, you need to say so. You have to acknowledge growth, and it will also help you reinforce behavior.
[00:11:13.280] - Amanda
So, don't let feedback be overdue. Silence creates confusion. If you've got it, give it. Be factual, observe the behaviors, but be kind.
[00:11:28.350] - Imogen
Yeah, giving good feedback isn't about being harsh, it's about being honest and helpful. So approach it with clarity, preparation, empathy, and you'll shift it then from being this big confrontation to actually a conversation.
[00:11:45.210] - Amanda
Completely agree. You know, people aren't always gonna love the message, but they will respect your honesty, and particularly if they understand the context and can see a path forward. And if you're consistent with feedback, it becomes part of your style, and that stops it being scary and makes it normal.
[00:12:04.710] - Imogen
Yep, remember, clarity is kind, confusion is confusing.
[00:12:09.710] - Amanda
And you do it. And you don't have to be perfect. Who is? But you do have to be clear, thoughtful, and be human.
[00:12:18.920] - Imogen
Thank you for tuning into this episode of Dear Comms. If you found this useful, share it with someone who could use a little feedback support. Don't forget to subscribe, leave us 5 stars. It's basically the podcast equivalent of great job, more of this, please.
[00:12:35.400] - Amanda
Until next time, keep leading. Leading with clarity and compassion.
[00:12:39.490] - Imogen
Bye!
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